Since I'm going to be a one-arm bandit soon enough, I think that I don't want to be typing here no more. I don't have to anymore. It's time for me to just drop back into the fade, and let the waves carry me on an odyssey to nowhere.
The journey to this day has been long and hard, and I appreciate every single Gift and Miracle that He has given to me. Especially you. I'm glad you have pulled through and I pray for many better days for you. To smile, to let your light shine on someone else's heart, like you were my sunshine.
Don't be sad, don't be afraid. Let the joys of the days consume you and move you forward. I, too, must one day move forward. I just need to find peace with myself.
Contrasting night we had. I sat emo-ing and talking about emo stuff with friends, and you were the life of the party. It's ok, it is a good thing. You needed it.
I have nothing much to say. I doubt I will be blogging much, maybe not for awhile. Maybe once I get the full use of my two hands I will come back. Maybe...
For now,
I've got to find a way to stop you falling into my mind.
Goodbye everyone.
Goodbye you.
I begin my voyage into darkness, alone.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Why can't dreams be dreams?
The flashbacks to the events happened, they were in my very restless night's sleep. Those flashbacks to the movie "Unfaithful" that lonesome Saturday duty in November 2007. The irony of watching that movie, for reality was playing a cruel joke on me. I didn't like that joke very much, no thank you.
The flashbacks of my imagination, of the things that they may have done in that car. The car which I have no description. It was just dark, and his hands running down the zipper of her dress. His lips planted in her mouth, the touch, the soft moans, the tender intimate love. Did that bracelet she wore mean nothing?
Arghhh.. I hate those flashbacks.
Fast forward, 15 months, the unsettling feeling came rushing down my spine. I didn't want to believe it at first. Was she doing it again right before my eyes? The lies, the lies, the lies, and I took them all, and sat patiently waiting. What a fool. They sat in a quiet corner, talking, laughing, having a ball of a time, and one thing let to another...they embrace with passion and thrill.
Arghh.. I hate those damn bloody flashbacks.
My feet felt a lot heavier today. My heart being dragged on the floor behind me. No will to move forward. No will to live. My chatter today seemed empty and dead. I wanted to be left alone, yet I did not want to do any work. Everything grind to a halt. This heartbroken locomotive is not going to make its destination today.
My eyes are red, tired from the lack of sleep. I try to sleep again, but fruitless. My head throbs louder and harder as moments pass. I feel dizzy. Food has no taste. The poison of grief is in my veins. Like a line of IV dripping at full bolus into my veins, I feel the hurt rushing to all parts of the body.
I can't talk to anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. They all have their own sets of problems. We are there for each other, but this keeps going and going, it's tiresome for them. It's tiresome for me.
Sigh...
The flashbacks of my imagination, of the things that they may have done in that car. The car which I have no description. It was just dark, and his hands running down the zipper of her dress. His lips planted in her mouth, the touch, the soft moans, the tender intimate love. Did that bracelet she wore mean nothing?
Arghhh.. I hate those flashbacks.
Fast forward, 15 months, the unsettling feeling came rushing down my spine. I didn't want to believe it at first. Was she doing it again right before my eyes? The lies, the lies, the lies, and I took them all, and sat patiently waiting. What a fool. They sat in a quiet corner, talking, laughing, having a ball of a time, and one thing let to another...they embrace with passion and thrill.
Arghh.. I hate those damn bloody flashbacks.
My feet felt a lot heavier today. My heart being dragged on the floor behind me. No will to move forward. No will to live. My chatter today seemed empty and dead. I wanted to be left alone, yet I did not want to do any work. Everything grind to a halt. This heartbroken locomotive is not going to make its destination today.
My eyes are red, tired from the lack of sleep. I try to sleep again, but fruitless. My head throbs louder and harder as moments pass. I feel dizzy. Food has no taste. The poison of grief is in my veins. Like a line of IV dripping at full bolus into my veins, I feel the hurt rushing to all parts of the body.
I can't talk to anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. They all have their own sets of problems. We are there for each other, but this keeps going and going, it's tiresome for them. It's tiresome for me.
Sigh...
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Rain Drops Into The Ocean
The rain was cleansing. Although, there was a lot of it in Brunei, but to feel rain drop onto my forehead and shoulders, wet shoes, wet socks, it felt really good. It's funny because I'm not one to like being soaked in clothes, but somehow today I just felt good.
Washing away the pain.
Sigh. It gets really boring in camp. Everyone is missing. On MC, in Brunei, just plain, not coming to camp, ORD even. It makes me feel really alone. Just working the mornings away and sleeping the afternoons off. Nights are spent at home in front of the computer or the tele. This whole illegal thing is just necessary. Nothing beats the warm embrace of home. Midnight all over my feet. Just comfort.
I'm happy for one thing though. My surgery has been changed. Now, to get MC to get out of the whole OPS thing completely. That shall be my mission for the rest of the week. They're so going to hate me for this. But, I just need to stop all this Army shit. I need reality. I need time for myself.
Too bad with this shoulder injury, I can't go surfing this May, as I had planned. God knows how badly I need to be away right now. Just me and the ocean. Such a beautiful thought. But, I guess that has to wait.
Waiting for the time to come.
Washing away the pain.
Sigh. It gets really boring in camp. Everyone is missing. On MC, in Brunei, just plain, not coming to camp, ORD even. It makes me feel really alone. Just working the mornings away and sleeping the afternoons off. Nights are spent at home in front of the computer or the tele. This whole illegal thing is just necessary. Nothing beats the warm embrace of home. Midnight all over my feet. Just comfort.
I'm happy for one thing though. My surgery has been changed. Now, to get MC to get out of the whole OPS thing completely. That shall be my mission for the rest of the week. They're so going to hate me for this. But, I just need to stop all this Army shit. I need reality. I need time for myself.
Too bad with this shoulder injury, I can't go surfing this May, as I had planned. God knows how badly I need to be away right now. Just me and the ocean. Such a beautiful thought. But, I guess that has to wait.
Waiting for the time to come.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Comforting Sounds By Mew
Another song to add to the growing list of "I Want To Learn" songs...
I don't feel alright
In spite of these comforting sounds you make
I don't feel alright
Because you make promises that you break
Into your house
Why don't we share
Our solitude?
Nothing is pure
Anymore
But solitude
It's hard to make sense
Feels as if I'm sensing you through a lens
If someone else comes
I'll just sit here listening to the drums
Previously
I never called
It solitude
And probably you know
All the dirty shows I've put on
Blunted and exhausted like anyone
Honestly I tried to avoid it
Honestly
Back when we were kids,
We would always know when to stop
And now all the good kids are messing up
Nobody has gained or accomplished anything
I don't feel alright
In spite of these comforting sounds you make
I don't feel alright
Because you make promises that you break
Into your house
Why don't we share
Our solitude?
Nothing is pure
Anymore
But solitude
It's hard to make sense
Feels as if I'm sensing you through a lens
If someone else comes
I'll just sit here listening to the drums
Previously
I never called
It solitude
And probably you know
All the dirty shows I've put on
Blunted and exhausted like anyone
Honestly I tried to avoid it
Honestly
Back when we were kids,
We would always know when to stop
And now all the good kids are messing up
Nobody has gained or accomplished anything
The Quiet Before The Blaze
The night sky outside is as dark as my heart. This is a cold, dark place. The night is quiet, but the world that is around me is Chaos. Spirit of the '70s, i'd say. The turmoil, the riots, the deaths, it's all there.
I don't really know what to think. The confusion within has extended beyond what I wanted. Like the wildfire that has taken 96 lives in Aussie land. This confusion spreads and one by one perish in its flames.
I can't say I didn't fear that it'd happen. Much like those who build their homes next to the wildlife. The serenity and the beauty is so appealing. It takes your breath away. Yet, when the wild turns its fiery head, all Hell breaks loose.
Hell has broken loose. The demons run amok. I AM SCARED. Scared to death of what is/will/might/could happen. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know what the future has install for us.
But, what I do know, is right now, all this chaos, all this pain that we cause to each other, has to quelled. I just need to be left alone in this world. I'm not ready to jump in, take the plunge, take another gamble. This is what it is, a Gamble. I'm not ready to Gamble. Not with my heart. Not the second time. I'm not ready. I'm not sorry, No. This was not my intention but, what has become, what has happened, the unthinkable happened...again. I can't do it.
I tried to be as open as I possibly could. Trying to be the pillar that I once was, without the Risk of being burnt. I realised this is not possible. No matter how hard I try, the civility and the niceties will be singed, and singed till the scald turns to a Fire.
This is what's best. The hate and anger that you throw at me, I feel is unjust but I will not refute. As times before, I shall be the sponge that absorbs this. But, I did not do this to us. I did not want this for us. This is the effect of consequences that have come to pass. If you hate me, if you are angry with me, I have every right to be likewise. If you are sad and lonely, I am every bit the same as you.
Please don't hurt yourself. It solves nothing. Like I've said just a week ago, do something that will benefit you in the long haul. Self-harm is not beneficial one bit. Doing it will not change anything. It does not show that you want to be better, but that you succumb to that which makes you weak. You can be strong, I know you are. It just depends on You.
You Do not know what happens in the future. If we cross paths like back when we were in Secondary School, you may never know, it CAN happen again. Don't rush, let it be God's Will.
my wish is that you please be careful, and take good care of yourself. being silent, does not mean i don't care. i just can't handle all these right now. i hope you can respect this. move on and be all that you can be...
I don't really know what to think. The confusion within has extended beyond what I wanted. Like the wildfire that has taken 96 lives in Aussie land. This confusion spreads and one by one perish in its flames.
I can't say I didn't fear that it'd happen. Much like those who build their homes next to the wildlife. The serenity and the beauty is so appealing. It takes your breath away. Yet, when the wild turns its fiery head, all Hell breaks loose.
Hell has broken loose. The demons run amok. I AM SCARED. Scared to death of what is/will/might/could happen. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know what the future has install for us.
But, what I do know, is right now, all this chaos, all this pain that we cause to each other, has to quelled. I just need to be left alone in this world. I'm not ready to jump in, take the plunge, take another gamble. This is what it is, a Gamble. I'm not ready to Gamble. Not with my heart. Not the second time. I'm not ready. I'm not sorry, No. This was not my intention but, what has become, what has happened, the unthinkable happened...again. I can't do it.
I tried to be as open as I possibly could. Trying to be the pillar that I once was, without the Risk of being burnt. I realised this is not possible. No matter how hard I try, the civility and the niceties will be singed, and singed till the scald turns to a Fire.
This is what's best. The hate and anger that you throw at me, I feel is unjust but I will not refute. As times before, I shall be the sponge that absorbs this. But, I did not do this to us. I did not want this for us. This is the effect of consequences that have come to pass. If you hate me, if you are angry with me, I have every right to be likewise. If you are sad and lonely, I am every bit the same as you.
Please don't hurt yourself. It solves nothing. Like I've said just a week ago, do something that will benefit you in the long haul. Self-harm is not beneficial one bit. Doing it will not change anything. It does not show that you want to be better, but that you succumb to that which makes you weak. You can be strong, I know you are. It just depends on You.
You Do not know what happens in the future. If we cross paths like back when we were in Secondary School, you may never know, it CAN happen again. Don't rush, let it be God's Will.
my wish is that you please be careful, and take good care of yourself. being silent, does not mean i don't care. i just can't handle all these right now. i hope you can respect this. move on and be all that you can be...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Fender Benders
The beauties. The desires. The URGE...
Fender Telecaster '72 Deluxe.
My Top Choice, if I ever buy a Fender, this would probably be the one.
Fender American Vintage Series '62 Jazzmaster
It's sexy, is it not?
But, first, back to my cave...
Do Me A Favour by Arctic Monkeys needs to be learnt. Maybe one day, I can play the guitar like Alex Turner. He is no Hendrix, but maybe one day I can write the songs that people will sing.
ps. Even if this is all a dream, this is where I want to be.
Fender Telecaster '72 Deluxe.
My Top Choice, if I ever buy a Fender, this would probably be the one.
Fender American Vintage Series '62 Jazzmaster
It's sexy, is it not?
But, first, back to my cave...
Do Me A Favour by Arctic Monkeys needs to be learnt. Maybe one day, I can play the guitar like Alex Turner. He is no Hendrix, but maybe one day I can write the songs that people will sing.
ps. Even if this is all a dream, this is where I want to be.
Crying Lightning
Need to come up from air. My head is stifling. I need to get out.
I need to play what's inside my head. I want to be heard.
There's the guitar.
Strum the fucker, God Damn It!
I need to play what's inside my head. I want to be heard.
There's the guitar.
Strum the fucker, God Damn It!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Hiroshima Lovers!
The news bulletin
One the day of '45
Changed the lives
Of all those still alive.
World looked at the mushroom cloud,
Dropped with no doubt,
The war will end.
She was so beautiful,
Amongst the flowers of flame,
The knew of only "I love you"
Nothing of the bomb that came.
Hiroshima Lovers!
They were young!
They were passionate!
Passionate, for each other.
I can't believe my eyes,
They didn't know they'd die,
They had no chance to cry,
But the war did end.
He was a nice, young man,
A real gentleman's friend,
All could see why she loved him,
All green eyes of envy starin'
At their dream.
Then, came a message from hell,
Dropped from the heavens,
Their dream had to be ended,
So, the war will end.
Hiroshima Lovers!
They were young!
They were passionate!
Passionate, for each other.
I can't believe my eyes,
They didn't know they'd die,
They had no chance to cry,
But the war did end.
Love is dead,
Buried in a coffin.
Love is dead,
War caused this to happen.
Look at us now,
Was it really workin'?
Look at us now,
Love is nothin'!
Greed,Power
Money endures all!
Hurt,Despair
MANKIND CLOSE TO ITS FALL!
ONLY THE HIROSHIMA LOVERS KNEW
THEIR LOVE WAS PURE
ALL THE LOVE AND MISS YOU
NOW TRAPPED UNDER THE COFFIN DOOR...
One the day of '45
Changed the lives
Of all those still alive.
World looked at the mushroom cloud,
Dropped with no doubt,
The war will end.
She was so beautiful,
Amongst the flowers of flame,
The knew of only "I love you"
Nothing of the bomb that came.
Hiroshima Lovers!
They were young!
They were passionate!
Passionate, for each other.
I can't believe my eyes,
They didn't know they'd die,
They had no chance to cry,
But the war did end.
He was a nice, young man,
A real gentleman's friend,
All could see why she loved him,
All green eyes of envy starin'
At their dream.
Then, came a message from hell,
Dropped from the heavens,
Their dream had to be ended,
So, the war will end.
Hiroshima Lovers!
They were young!
They were passionate!
Passionate, for each other.
I can't believe my eyes,
They didn't know they'd die,
They had no chance to cry,
But the war did end.
Love is dead,
Buried in a coffin.
Love is dead,
War caused this to happen.
Look at us now,
Was it really workin'?
Look at us now,
Love is nothin'!
Greed,Power
Money endures all!
Hurt,Despair
MANKIND CLOSE TO ITS FALL!
ONLY THE HIROSHIMA LOVERS KNEW
THEIR LOVE WAS PURE
ALL THE LOVE AND MISS YOU
NOW TRAPPED UNDER THE COFFIN DOOR...
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Ring! Ring!
"Ring, Goddamit!"
Awaiting my phone to ring. Bring me news, good news, that's all I want. The handphone sits silently in my pocket, by my thigh. I take it out and place on the table. I'm desperate. I'm willing it to ring. Then, it comes. But...No....The ring is not from my phone. The ring comes from the driver next to me. He awakes immediately from his lazy slumber and answers. My phone defiantly, silent.
Elsewhere, I imiagine there's flurry of activity. I hope there is. Checking of appointments and the Surgery board. Is there an O.R available, doc? This boy, needs a repaired ligament. But, that's partial truth. All I need is an escape. Nevertheless, their handphones and pagers beep crazily away, checking of schedules, change the date, change the date, change the date... Make the bloody thing feasible already.
Ring! Why don't you bloody ring?!
I fling my phone in anger! Shatters into crimson red pieces. The red plastic like blood on broken shrapnel. What have I done? The grenade has exploded. The napalm dropped like rain, fire engulfs 'Nam. We ran towards safety. But the trench that we are in is a locked target. Soon, a mortar will land. Ten seconds from now, the mortar has. I look at the mess I have made. Thank God, it was all in my head. My phone sits silently on the table. It is mocking me. Laughing at me. Desperation is my folly. Maybe I should fling it. That'll teach it a lesson!
My phone sits silently on the table. I go about with my day to day. "Ring! Goddamit!" dancing around my head. But, the ring never comes...
Awaiting my phone to ring. Bring me news, good news, that's all I want. The handphone sits silently in my pocket, by my thigh. I take it out and place on the table. I'm desperate. I'm willing it to ring. Then, it comes. But...No....The ring is not from my phone. The ring comes from the driver next to me. He awakes immediately from his lazy slumber and answers. My phone defiantly, silent.
Elsewhere, I imiagine there's flurry of activity. I hope there is. Checking of appointments and the Surgery board. Is there an O.R available, doc? This boy, needs a repaired ligament. But, that's partial truth. All I need is an escape. Nevertheless, their handphones and pagers beep crazily away, checking of schedules, change the date, change the date, change the date... Make the bloody thing feasible already.
Ring! Why don't you bloody ring?!
I fling my phone in anger! Shatters into crimson red pieces. The red plastic like blood on broken shrapnel. What have I done? The grenade has exploded. The napalm dropped like rain, fire engulfs 'Nam. We ran towards safety. But the trench that we are in is a locked target. Soon, a mortar will land. Ten seconds from now, the mortar has. I look at the mess I have made. Thank God, it was all in my head. My phone sits silently on the table. It is mocking me. Laughing at me. Desperation is my folly. Maybe I should fling it. That'll teach it a lesson!
My phone sits silently on the table. I go about with my day to day. "Ring! Goddamit!" dancing around my head. But, the ring never comes...
In The City
In the city,
The streets are dark and cold,
You have no money, you're all alone.
Scared and lonely, the winds remain unkind.
This is the city,
And you have lost your mind.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
You pick up phone, have no one to call,
Then, you realise you've lost them all,
Scared and lonely, this summer fast turns to winter,
In the city,
You find life's much bitter.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
(solo?)
(bridge)
You thought you found your solace,
In someone else's arms,
You lied to everyone, now you're a little dumb.
You thought you could make it all ok,
But not the Second time, baby,
Now... You're alone, In the City.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
The streets are dark and cold,
You have no money, you're all alone.
Scared and lonely, the winds remain unkind.
This is the city,
And you have lost your mind.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
You pick up phone, have no one to call,
Then, you realise you've lost them all,
Scared and lonely, this summer fast turns to winter,
In the city,
You find life's much bitter.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
(solo?)
(bridge)
You thought you found your solace,
In someone else's arms,
You lied to everyone, now you're a little dumb.
You thought you could make it all ok,
But not the Second time, baby,
Now... You're alone, In the City.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
(chorus?)
Decision is forever
'Cos I have made up my mind
Please don't waste our time, now.
'Cos I don't want to see you....again.
In the city, You are left behind.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Existence
The rained poured before me. Cold, wet, alone, miserable. I sat at the staircase and awaited time to pass. It needed to pass before I could move. All there was to do is wait. The time read 6.03am, an insignificant hour. Still dark outside. Dark and quiet, I let my mind drift off. I did not fall asleep, I was not tired. Surprisingly. I was awake, my mind was fresh and abuzz. It had to be the oxygen being released from all the greenery. It had to be the fresh morning air, scented dew and cool menthol taste. I reflected, I meditated, I began to think.
I realised I left that part of me for a long time now. That part of me that just sat down in the dark and let my mind drift into the abyss. Allowing the abyss to drift me into new dimensions and new time warps to learn and grow. I was asking questions again. Real pressing questions of Life. Of my Life.
I asked myself, "Why am I here?"
I had no answer. I just drifted and saw endless possibilities of what would be. I did not answer the question, but this is something we cannot really put our fingers on. No one can. It just makes you speculate and aim for something that you Think is the closest fit. The closest fit is usually what makes you Happy. Our train of thought is such due to the fact that our psyche has been programmed to believe that Happiness means Purpose. But what if...it ISN'T. What if the Happiness that we pursue, and in this day and age, Money is not the reason we are here. Surely commercialism and capitalism was not our design, was not why we wrestled a million other brothers and sisters in our mothers wombs many years ago, to fight them all of, to survive as the strongest, the fastest, the fittest, the most steadfast and certain, to Exist. Surely, back then, we knew we had a bigger Purpose. A need to be strong, fast, fit so that we can deliver this Big Purpose. Yet, through societal influence, instituitional influence, suddenly we lost sight of the Purpose. We don't hear it in our hearts anymore. Its just quiet. silent.
What is my Big Purpose? What is my inner voice telling me?
I need the cover of darkness, I need the background to fade into nothing.
I must investigate further.
I realised I left that part of me for a long time now. That part of me that just sat down in the dark and let my mind drift into the abyss. Allowing the abyss to drift me into new dimensions and new time warps to learn and grow. I was asking questions again. Real pressing questions of Life. Of my Life.
I asked myself, "Why am I here?"
I had no answer. I just drifted and saw endless possibilities of what would be. I did not answer the question, but this is something we cannot really put our fingers on. No one can. It just makes you speculate and aim for something that you Think is the closest fit. The closest fit is usually what makes you Happy. Our train of thought is such due to the fact that our psyche has been programmed to believe that Happiness means Purpose. But what if...it ISN'T. What if the Happiness that we pursue, and in this day and age, Money is not the reason we are here. Surely commercialism and capitalism was not our design, was not why we wrestled a million other brothers and sisters in our mothers wombs many years ago, to fight them all of, to survive as the strongest, the fastest, the fittest, the most steadfast and certain, to Exist. Surely, back then, we knew we had a bigger Purpose. A need to be strong, fast, fit so that we can deliver this Big Purpose. Yet, through societal influence, instituitional influence, suddenly we lost sight of the Purpose. We don't hear it in our hearts anymore. Its just quiet. silent.
What is my Big Purpose? What is my inner voice telling me?
I need the cover of darkness, I need the background to fade into nothing.
I must investigate further.
Dusting
My, look at the cobwebs that have gathered. It smells of old mattress, and stale milk. My not so humble abode has been dead for far too long. All of 5 months is it?
Things have Changed.
I have changed.
We have changed.
My home will change... This is the Dark Hour.
Things have Changed.
I have changed.
We have changed.
My home will change... This is the Dark Hour.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Wretched!
"What does it all mean, Basel?"
IT's the way he says it. Same accent, same tone, same everything. Sticks to my head. Sure, the line comes from a comedy, yet, this is no comic. I'm genuinely muddled.
It has been a Wretched week. Plenty of hiding, plenty of responsibility, plenty of pain, plenty of headache/heartache. I wish not to discuss work further. It's useless/pointless/wretched to talk about.
All I wanted in the week was to spend a nice, chilled out day with my sweets. But, things don't always go the way you want it. It had to go Sour. I just knew it would turn bad. I was visibly upset. How could I not be? After all the shit of the week, to get more shit early Saturday. Maybe it's hard to understand if you don't feel what I felt. I don't know. Of course, I was angry. I was less angry than just sad and tired. It took the wind out of me.
Quiet. Distant. Silent. Away.
It really took a long while to get going again. I apologise. I was not in the mood. It was little too late, I know. Now, we await another week just to meet again. It is hard, not holding you in my arms. I want it so badly but I'm so far. So many restrictions, so many hurdles. Bashing through is painful, I have to jump them one at a time. And, I'm no hurdler. Tough.
Just hang on. Things will get better. If it doesn't, then it won't. I will still stand here, would you stand right next to me?
IT's the way he says it. Same accent, same tone, same everything. Sticks to my head. Sure, the line comes from a comedy, yet, this is no comic. I'm genuinely muddled.
It has been a Wretched week. Plenty of hiding, plenty of responsibility, plenty of pain, plenty of headache/heartache. I wish not to discuss work further. It's useless/pointless/wretched to talk about.
All I wanted in the week was to spend a nice, chilled out day with my sweets. But, things don't always go the way you want it. It had to go Sour. I just knew it would turn bad. I was visibly upset. How could I not be? After all the shit of the week, to get more shit early Saturday. Maybe it's hard to understand if you don't feel what I felt. I don't know. Of course, I was angry. I was less angry than just sad and tired. It took the wind out of me.
Quiet. Distant. Silent. Away.
It really took a long while to get going again. I apologise. I was not in the mood. It was little too late, I know. Now, we await another week just to meet again. It is hard, not holding you in my arms. I want it so badly but I'm so far. So many restrictions, so many hurdles. Bashing through is painful, I have to jump them one at a time. And, I'm no hurdler. Tough.
Just hang on. Things will get better. If it doesn't, then it won't. I will still stand here, would you stand right next to me?
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Mayday Parade - When I Get Home, You're So Dead
The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical for us to end like this
Well it's just another scene
From a movie that you've seen one hundred times
Cause baby you weren't the first, or the last, or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
We could sit around and cry but frankly your not worth it anymore
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry, and I
On any other day we'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like this
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like a hundred more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple little whore
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry, and I
Oh whoa, whoa
And your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
Never start over
Pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry, and I
Say hello, say hello
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
Is it typical for us to end like this
Well it's just another scene
From a movie that you've seen one hundred times
Cause baby you weren't the first, or the last, or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
We could sit around and cry but frankly your not worth it anymore
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry, and I
On any other day we'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like this
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like a hundred more
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix
For such a simple little whore
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry, and I
Oh whoa, whoa
And your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
Never start over
Pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over
So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry, and I
Say hello, say hello
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry
Happy Birthday To Me.
It is my 21st Birthday. Whoopeedoo to ME!
For a second time around, my birthday was a tranquil, peaceful affair. Better than the last because I had Siti with me, all day long some more. I had many many presents also. So cool, I have an Epiphone SG as my new toy, I have a Nokia non-camera phone for Army, and I got a LOT A LOT A LOT of Comics from Siti. To be honest, I was shocked to see the amount of comics she had bought for me. Almost $300 worth of it. I'm a lucky guy. Aren't you guys jealous I have a girlfriend like her. She's all mine. Muahahaha... I'm never going to share her. She's all mine, Muahahaha.. Did I just repeat myself?
However, my birthday week went a little haywire towards the end. I got news that I will NOT be going to Khatib camp which sucks, because I was looking forward to doing almost nothing there. But Nooo..I must stay in Bedok camp and torture myself somemore. Also, I got news on Thursday when I was on duty that my Dad was flown in from Vietnam because he had heart problems. Emergency flight in. But, when I saw him on Friday he seem alright. He looked aged, but he was still the same. So, that was a relief, I guess. Thank God, it's nothing serious.
The weekend is almost coming to an end. I have not really hung out with Siti in a week. The last was on my birthday, which we didn't do much. Just stayed at my place and enjoy tunes and a not-so-good movie. So, I'm waiting for her to get ready and spend a few hours left with her today.
Well, I'm not really in the writing mode today. Just updating for the sake of it. There is a lot of pictures that I want to update here, but it will take some time. And time is something that I don't have in abundance. So we'll just have to wait then.
Puasa time is so quiet. Everything becomes so silent.
For a second time around, my birthday was a tranquil, peaceful affair. Better than the last because I had Siti with me, all day long some more. I had many many presents also. So cool, I have an Epiphone SG as my new toy, I have a Nokia non-camera phone for Army, and I got a LOT A LOT A LOT of Comics from Siti. To be honest, I was shocked to see the amount of comics she had bought for me. Almost $300 worth of it. I'm a lucky guy. Aren't you guys jealous I have a girlfriend like her. She's all mine. Muahahaha... I'm never going to share her. She's all mine, Muahahaha.. Did I just repeat myself?
However, my birthday week went a little haywire towards the end. I got news that I will NOT be going to Khatib camp which sucks, because I was looking forward to doing almost nothing there. But Nooo..I must stay in Bedok camp and torture myself somemore. Also, I got news on Thursday when I was on duty that my Dad was flown in from Vietnam because he had heart problems. Emergency flight in. But, when I saw him on Friday he seem alright. He looked aged, but he was still the same. So, that was a relief, I guess. Thank God, it's nothing serious.
The weekend is almost coming to an end. I have not really hung out with Siti in a week. The last was on my birthday, which we didn't do much. Just stayed at my place and enjoy tunes and a not-so-good movie. So, I'm waiting for her to get ready and spend a few hours left with her today.
Well, I'm not really in the writing mode today. Just updating for the sake of it. There is a lot of pictures that I want to update here, but it will take some time. And time is something that I don't have in abundance. So we'll just have to wait then.
Puasa time is so quiet. Everything becomes so silent.
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