The Quiet Before The Blaze

The night sky outside is as dark as my heart. This is a cold, dark place. The night is quiet, but the world that is around me is Chaos. Spirit of the '70s, i'd say. The turmoil, the riots, the deaths, it's all there.

I don't really know what to think. The confusion within has extended beyond what I wanted. Like the wildfire that has taken 96 lives in Aussie land. This confusion spreads and one by one perish in its flames.

I can't say I didn't fear that it'd happen. Much like those who build their homes next to the wildlife. The serenity and the beauty is so appealing. It takes your breath away. Yet, when the wild turns its fiery head, all Hell breaks loose.

Hell has broken loose. The demons run amok. I AM SCARED. Scared to death of what is/will/might/could happen. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know what the future has install for us.

But, what I do know, is right now, all this chaos, all this pain that we cause to each other, has to quelled. I just need to be left alone in this world. I'm not ready to jump in, take the plunge, take another gamble. This is what it is, a Gamble. I'm not ready to Gamble. Not with my heart. Not the second time. I'm not ready. I'm not sorry, No. This was not my intention but, what has become, what has happened, the unthinkable happened...again. I can't do it.

I tried to be as open as I possibly could. Trying to be the pillar that I once was, without the Risk of being burnt. I realised this is not possible. No matter how hard I try, the civility and the niceties will be singed, and singed till the scald turns to a Fire.

This is what's best. The hate and anger that you throw at me, I feel is unjust but I will not refute. As times before, I shall be the sponge that absorbs this. But, I did not do this to us. I did not want this for us. This is the effect of consequences that have come to pass. If you hate me, if you are angry with me, I have every right to be likewise. If you are sad and lonely, I am every bit the same as you.

Please don't hurt yourself. It solves nothing. Like I've said just a week ago, do something that will benefit you in the long haul. Self-harm is not beneficial one bit. Doing it will not change anything. It does not show that you want to be better, but that you succumb to that which makes you weak. You can be strong, I know you are. It just depends on You.

You Do not know what happens in the future. If we cross paths like back when we were in Secondary School, you may never know, it CAN happen again. Don't rush, let it be God's Will.

my wish is that you please be careful, and take good care of yourself. being silent, does not mean i don't care. i just can't handle all these right now. i hope you can respect this. move on and be all that you can be...