Existence

The rained poured before me. Cold, wet, alone, miserable. I sat at the staircase and awaited time to pass. It needed to pass before I could move. All there was to do is wait. The time read 6.03am, an insignificant hour. Still dark outside. Dark and quiet, I let my mind drift off. I did not fall asleep, I was not tired. Surprisingly. I was awake, my mind was fresh and abuzz. It had to be the oxygen being released from all the greenery. It had to be the fresh morning air, scented dew and cool menthol taste. I reflected, I meditated, I began to think.

I realised I left that part of me for a long time now. That part of me that just sat down in the dark and let my mind drift into the abyss. Allowing the abyss to drift me into new dimensions and new time warps to learn and grow. I was asking questions again. Real pressing questions of Life. Of my Life.

I asked myself, "Why am I here?"

I had no answer. I just drifted and saw endless possibilities of what would be. I did not answer the question, but this is something we cannot really put our fingers on. No one can. It just makes you speculate and aim for something that you Think is the closest fit. The closest fit is usually what makes you Happy. Our train of thought is such due to the fact that our psyche has been programmed to believe that Happiness means Purpose. But what if...it ISN'T. What if the Happiness that we pursue, and in this day and age, Money is not the reason we are here. Surely commercialism and capitalism was not our design, was not why we wrestled a million other brothers and sisters in our mothers wombs many years ago, to fight them all of, to survive as the strongest, the fastest, the fittest, the most steadfast and certain, to Exist. Surely, back then, we knew we had a bigger Purpose. A need to be strong, fast, fit so that we can deliver this Big Purpose. Yet, through societal influence, instituitional influence, suddenly we lost sight of the Purpose. We don't hear it in our hearts anymore. Its just quiet. silent.

What is my Big Purpose? What is my inner voice telling me?

I need the cover of darkness, I need the background to fade into nothing.

I must investigate further.